In my opinion, if you're going to participate in the pageant world, there are three very important facts that you must know upfront and accept, or you'll drive yourself and those around you crazy.

FACT 1: Everything in pageantry is subjective, or based on opinion. That means there isn't one universal winning dress, hairstyle, makeup or answer that is PERFECT. You'll drive yourself mad if you are expecting perfection. Instead, the overall queen is chosen from the average score of a panel of 5 or more judges' opinions.

Even within the judging panel, the opinions will vary greatly. Three judges love your dress while the other two hate it. Four will think you are well spoken and articulate while one thinks you're opinionated and over rehearsed. Sometimes it happens that the panel will be split on a decision if it is an even number of judges. This is normal. Seldom are the results of a pageant a unanimous decision.

FACT 2: Every judge, audience member, family member, hairstylist, makeup artist, photographer, wardrobe consultant, and pageant coach has an opinion.

FACT 3: The only definitive opinion that matters if YOURS. I don't mean for this statement to be interpreted as an arrogant attitude like "I'm right, and they're wrong." Rather, be open and teachable to the feedback you're receiving. Listen for reoccurring patterns. If the majority of the judges are saying something similar, you may want to take a serious look at what they're saying. However, bottom-line is it's your decision as to what action you'll take based on the opinions and advice you're receiving.

For a brief period of time, I struggled with the contradictory feedback I was receiving from the judges, my coaches, family and friends. I quickly came to the conclusion that ultimately it was ME up on the stage, not them; and that I had to feel totally confident with my hair, makeup, wardrobe and answer choices.
So, in my opinion :), this is what I did to sort through this situation.

• Be very selective from whom you are receiving feedback and advice. What is this person's area of expertise? How credible are they? Can I learn from this person?
• Take time to get to know your values, boundaries, likes and dislikes. You know the old saying, "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything". If you're trying to follow everyone's advice and basing your actions on the opinions of other people, you may find yourself feeling frustrated and confused.
• Take personal ownership and responsibility for your actions and decisions. Absolutely seek out mentors and people who can help you become more than what you are at the moment, see other options and explore different opportunities. But, it's up to you to make a decision as to what course of action you'll take.

The whole idea of being selective from whom you receive mentorship is key to your success. No one is a self made success story. Successful people associate with other successful people and all have mentors. Whose opinion has been influencing you? Do you respect them? Are they living what they preach? Are they where I want to be? Spend some time this week evaluating the circle of influence in which you circulate. If you're not where you want to be, step out of your circle and find people who can inspire, support and cheer you on to whatever you dream or goal may be.

Question: I just received my pageant score sheets from the judges, and they seem to contradict each other. How am I to improve if one judge tells me one thing and another judge says the opposite?

Answer: Yes, this can be very frustrating. To answer your question, I'm going to use the supermarket analogy. When you go to the grocery store, most of the time you go with a list and purchase those items you need at that time. You don't buy everything in the store. If you need peanut butter, you have numerous choices as to which brand you'll buy. You make your choice based on taste, nutritional facts, cost and one that meets your needs. Think of advice and opinions in the same way. Take what applies to you at the time and leave the rest…for now :).

Never judge a book by its cover. We hear that saying over and over; and yet, the fact remains that we all make assumptions about people, places or things by their outward appearance.  The contents of a particular book may be the exact information we are seeking, but we'll never get a chance to read it because the cover didn't capture our attention. We didn't even pull it from the shelf because something about it initially turned us off.

But if the outside is pleasing to you, your first thought may be "Hmm, this book looks interesting. Let me see what's on the inside." Although it's not impossible, it is harder to reverse a bad first impression.

The first impression that the pageant director, staff and judges form of you is from your submitted paperwork and photo.  The first photo you submit should be the best and most current headshot you have. Choose a colored photo that is well lit, sharply focused, and is from your shoulders up.  Remember, based on your initial contact with the pageant office, you're going to be viewed as a contestant that is either ready now, needs a little polishing, or needs more time to develop.

Most pageants have their paperwork forms in a PDF file that contestants can fill out online. This is the preferred choice. Resist the urge to quickly complete and submit your paperwork.  Instead, print out the forms and take your time drafting your final version.  Have your English teacher proof read it or have a friend that is experienced in reviewing job applications take a look.

If your pageant still uses paper forms, ask the director if you can retype the application, exactly as it appears, into your computer so you can submit your paperwork in a clean, easy to read format. Follow the directions of your director to the letter. If they say one page, you do one page. Copy the font style and size exactly so your computer generated copy looks as close to the original as possible.

If you must handwrite, and this is absolutely the last choice, use your neatest printing or have someone who does have neat handwriting print it for you. Although the idea of having your 8 year old daughter fill out the form herself is touching, if the information can't be easily read, or if there is one smudge or a misspelled word, it will have a negative impact. Write your information on another sheet of paper, and only write on the application when you are 100% ready with your information. Again, I would avoid handwriting at all costs.

What is the purpose of the paperwork?  It introduces you to the pageant staff and the judges.  Your judges bio, which is the equivalent of a job resume, should peak the judges interest and curiosity. If proper constructed, the judges will be able to create a picture of who you are just by glancing at your bio. Here are a few helpful hints to creating an introduction on paper that will make a favorable impression on anyone who reads your bio.

• Make it easy to read. Font size should be no smaller than 11 or 12 and in a style that is easy to read. Use either short complete sentences or a bullet point structure for your bio. Choose and use one style for the entire bio and don't bounce back and for between the two. Keep your bio to one page.

• Peak the judges curiosity with interesting tidbits. Don't write out your whole story or include every little detail about yourself. That's what you can talk about when you are face to face with judges. There isn't time on the judges part to read long paragraphs.  But you don't want to state just the facts either. Think about how the headlines on the front of a magazine cover make you pick it up and buy it because you are curious to get the whole story. The same is true about your bio. Think headlines.

• Be very selective with your word choice and what information you include on your bio.  Put only the best information about yourself on your bio. This is where working with a coach is very helpful. Most people don't know what information is most interesting and best about them. Sometimes it takes someone from the outside to help you identify what's important about your inside.

• Your bio should show a well-rounded, diverse person.  The most common categories on your bio might include education, career ambition, platform, talent, hobbies, awards, community service, and interesting facts. A well-rounded contestant will have something interesting for all the stated areas. If you only have one hobby, it's time to explore other possibilities. The same thing goes for community service. If you have no community service, it's time to look within yourself to see what blessings you have that you can share with others.

• Your bio must be grammatically correct, use proper punctuation and free from all misspelled words and typos. Spell check is great, but you can't rely on it alone. After all, the words hear and here are both spelled correctly but have very different meanings. Have someone else read your bio out loud to you. Listen for phrases that don't make sense or need more detail. Have many different people look at your bio.

• Limit your use of acronyms and abbreviations.  Your judging panel may come from many parts of the state or country. If there is an organization that is very active and well respected in your community and everyone in your hometown knows it by TWBG, there will be someone on the panel that has no idea that it stands for The World's Best Group. Use the words to avoid any misunderstandings.

• Work with a coach who is skilled in interview.  Your interview skills begin with the creation of your paperwork and cannot be mastered overnight.  The ideal way to plan for your interview and onstage question is to hire a skilled coach at least 3 months (6 is better) before your pageant. Create your paperwork together so the image that comes off the paper is consistent with the person they meet in the interview room.

Follow these basic guidelines and you will be on your way to creating the winning image you desire.  If you haven't already, be sure to request my FREE interview card that contains the beginning 10 questions that everyone doing an interview needs to have an answer for.

Being able to create your image in writing will serve you well in your career.  Take a few moments to look at how balanced your life is in the areas of personal development, family, education, career, community service, recreation and spiritually.  Are there some areas that could use some attention? Why wait for a pageant to take action. Contact me and we can work together to create the life and balance you want to live.

Unwinding at the end of a long day, you pick up your favorite magazine and notice that the model on the cover has a thick gorgeous head of hair that seems suspended in mid air. You happen to turn on the TV and an awards show is on. Actress after actress grace the stage perfectly manicured and when the TV zooms in for its close up, one can't help but notice the beautiful locks that frame their faces. After watching for awhile, you decide to turn in for the evening. You walk into the bathroom and that's when it happens….you see your own hair in the mirror. *Sigh*

Can I share something with you? 80% of the population has normal to fine hair. Only about 20% are blessed with naturally thick hair that is full of body. So what can the other 80% do to "pump up the volume"? Three words…color, product and extensions.

This week I interviewed Monae Everett to get her expert advice on hair. Monae is a licensed Cosmetologist with nine years of experience. She owns Monae Artistry, LLC where she is an editorial and commercial hair and makeup artist specializing in photo shoots, videos, and movies. Ms. Everett has contributed to hair care and makeup articles in Upscale and Omo Naija magazines. Her work has been published in magazines including Celebrity Short Cuts, Sophisticates Black Hair, Sports and Entertainment Today, Today's Black Woman, etc. She now writes for Hair's How magazine. Having competed in the Miss Teen Virginia USA pageant herself, she knows firsthand the expectations and demands put on hair.

Color – When adding both highlights and lowlights to your hair, you create dimension and movement. Your hair will instantly look thicker and fuller.

Product- Next to a great haircut, the quality of the styling products you use is critical for creating hair that will look great for hours on and off stage. Healthy hair has body, shine and MOVES! The goal is to create the stiff lift at the roots and have the ends moving as you walk on stage. Monae made this suggestion to get the most body from your hair:

• When hair is wet, apply a golf ball size amount of root thickening product to your roots.

• Using a round natural bristled brush, blow dry your hair lifting up at the roots. Lightly spray with a reshaping spray.

• Next, set hair on hot rollers and allow the rollers to completely cool before removing them.

• Style hair into the desired shape and spray with hairspray.

• Two of Monae's favorite products are Professional Sebastian Thickefy Foam and Sebastian Reshaper.

Monae also said not to be afraid to wear the super sleek look if you can pull off. Your hair should beg people to reach out and touch it.

Extensions- If there's a Hollywood secret to fabulous hair; here it is ladies---Extensions. Sometimes product isn't enough to get the full bodied effect people want from their hair so they turn to extensions.

However, not all extensions are created equally. Lower quality extensions (ranging in price from $30-$60) can't be reused and are made synthetically, which means they cannot be styled with heat. Higher end extensions are made of real human hair are reusable. They can cost up to $150 per ounce and you'll need between 4-8 ounces of hair.

There are many factors to determine whether you're a good candidate for hair extensions starting with your natural hair texture, the bonding method you choose, and how long you want them to stay in your hair. Here are a few of your choices:

• A few hours - taped in extensions.

• A day - clip in extensions but don't sleep in them.

• A week - glued in extensions.

• 1-3 months - sewn in extensions.

• 3-4 months - strand by strand Microfusion

When done by a highly skilled professional, hair extensions won't hurt your natural hair, will look natural and can be easily maintained. If you're considering extensions, consult with an experienced stylist so you can get the product and end results you're dreaming of. One size does not fit all and you'll need professional help to evaluate and select the right extensions for you.

To see Monae's new video on how to get Big Sexy Voluminous Hair, click on this link to see step by step instructions. www.HairandMakeupBlog.com.

About Monaé Everett

Monaé Everett was born in Brooklyn, New York and raised in the Washington D.C. area. She earned her cosmetology license while in high school. To quench her thirst for education, she attended college at George Mason University where she majored in Communications and Sociology. It was there that she was introduced to the fashion and commercial industries, and her passion was ignited. She became excited about hair and makeup artistry. While continuing her education at GMU, she began to establish herself as the hair and makeup artist to see for clean beauty.

While managing a salon, she continued to work behind the scenes at fashion shows and photo shoots. This helped her to hone her skills as a hair stylist. She developed a love for hair color and became an American Board Certified Haircolorist. Monaé used her knowledge and industry insight to form her business, Monaé Artistry, LLC. Monaé has earned a strong reputation for being professional, discreet, and passionately professional. She displays her talent in print, film and theater. Monaé has had work featured in "Essence" magazine, the "Georgetowner" newspaper, "Sports and Entertainment Today" magazine, "Celebrity Short Cuts" magazine, etc. She has also had the privilege to work on "We Are the World" 25 year anniversary music video as well as the "Eclipsed" theater production.

These experiences opened the door for her to become an educator for a major hair care line. Monaé loves to make people look good which in turn, makes them feel good. She looks forward to opportunities to color and style hair for fashion, catalog, and print advertisements. She loves the makeup artistry of Pat MacGrath and Jay Manuel and notes Hadiiya Barbel and Josh Wood among her hair inspirations. The words of Josh Wood best summarize her goal "To drive style trends in the media". For more on Monae, check out her website and blog.

http://monaeartistry.wordpress.com/
http://www.monaeartistry.com/

On the road to Nebraska again :). It’s been four years since all of my siblings were together. We all traveled to my sisters over Easter to be with my dad who has terminal cancer. Since it is a seventeen hour drive ONE WAY, the girls and I had lots of time to talk, reflect, and watch all six Harry Potter movies TWICE.

My kids and I don’t have cell phones and thus are not yet part of the “texting” world. My siblings, nieces and nephews however are very quick at this skill. One would think that with all the technological advancements in communications that interpersonal relationships would be thriving. However, my observation has been that instead of enhancing relationships, many times these devices are used to take the place of face to face verbal dialogue. The ability to have a conversation I fear is becoming a lost art form. So many feelings, emotions, and intentions are conveyed non-verbally that if left to just a quick “text” or “tweet” the message is left open to many interpretations. Let’s face it , an “lol” will never be as good as belly laugh of a best friend. For me texting is like watching a silent black and white movie; whereas sitting down to chat is the complete Blu Ray experience.

Technology is a wonderful way to reach people over the miles, but it will never be the same as sitting around a table sharing stories and connecting with the people you love.

PAGEANT INTERVIEW:

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF

The pageant interview is where you get to shine and share your personality. It’s really your opportunity to emotionally connect with the judges face to face. If you go into the interview room with the mindset, I’m going to make new friends and share with the judges what makes me ME, that thought alone will help to calm those jitters.

The other thing you can do, months before the pageant, is practice answering questions about everything and anything. There are fundamental interview questions that everyone needs to know how to answer. Because the power of the interview is in both what you say and how you say it, you need to allow enough time to practice answering questions out loud. Yes, not in your head, but out loud.

You don’t ever want your answers to sound memorized or fake; but, unfortunately, when contestants aren’t use to answering questions out loud, that’s how it may come across. It takes skill to be able to speak in a way that sounds effortless and natural. Trust me, as an actress and former elected politician, it takes practice. Some people may pick it up quicker than others; but, you can find your own voice and method of articulating exactly what you mean to say. How many times have you said something only to realize that words you used didn’t convey what you meant to say. It happens to everyone.

People make their first impressions within the first few seconds of meeting you so you want to be very selective about the information you choose to share. For example, to break the ice, most judges will start the interview with some version of the “tell me about yourself” question. Your first response may be something like this: “My name is Rhonda Shappert. I’m 43 years old and live in Ohio with my husband and three daughters. I’m a personal development coach and enjoy traveling.”

Ok, that answers the question, but it’s not very memorable. Instead, a different choice could be “Well, one of my favorite things to do is sing four part harmony with my husband and three daughters. We perform across the state of Ohio, enjoy eating Graeter’s ice cream and playing the board game Scattergories together.” Isn’t this answer more picturesque and interesting? Remember, you only have a couple minutes to make a lasting impression on the judges and your interview is only 2-5 minutes in length.

Every word that comes from your mouth needs to count. As an experienced judge, I have heard some pretty amazing answers come from people, good and bad. A few people approach answering interview questions from the point of what the contestant thinks will impress the judges.  A skilled person will see right through that. And memorizing other contestants answers is not going to cut it either. The reason that person’s answer was so amazing is because it came from a place of conviction from within the person delivering the statement.

To help you prepare for an interview that will put you on top, request my FREE interview tool which has the beginning 10 questions everyone must be able to nail during their interview.

Because the power of the interview is in both what you say and how you say it, as an added bonus, for a limited time I’m offering to everyone who requests my interview tool a free 15 minute phone call where you can share your answer with me and we’ll work on your interview skills.

I promise you, this brief free consultation will leave you feeling more confident about your speaking ability and add points to your score.

Have you ever been asked a question during a pageant interview that completely stumped you? Type it in the comment box on my blog www.ThePageantExpert.com,  and I’ll give you my take on an answer.

I look forward to hearing from you.